Mar 6, 2007
My cousin Kelly has gone on, as of this morning. He has faced his cancer fearlessly, and through his pain, brought my family together in a renewed sense of love and unity and faith. At his passing this morning, there was an erie sense of peace, because we know that the after life will surely be more humane than his last months here on Earth. He was cradled in his mom's arms, surrounded by siblings, grandparents, and aunts and uncles and cousins, in the comfort of his own room. There really isn't any better way to move on, I suppose.
As it goes, "Those that pass on to heaven, leave a little hell on Earth." We will all feel the void that Kelly will be leaving. He was able to point and laugh and be sarcastic, as the cancer invaded his body, took his leg, and eventually his life. The last time I saw him was last Sunday. The last thing he said to me as I was watching a movie in his room was, "I am sorry that I am so boring." He couldn't really stay awake because of his medication, but even then, I was humbled at his need to take care of me. ME!! Perfectly healthy, ME!
He will be mourned and missed. Thank you for everyone's prayers for his family as they learn to move on, less one family member.
As it goes, "Those that pass on to heaven, leave a little hell on Earth." We will all feel the void that Kelly will be leaving. He was able to point and laugh and be sarcastic, as the cancer invaded his body, took his leg, and eventually his life. The last time I saw him was last Sunday. The last thing he said to me as I was watching a movie in his room was, "I am sorry that I am so boring." He couldn't really stay awake because of his medication, but even then, I was humbled at his need to take care of me. ME!! Perfectly healthy, ME!
He will be mourned and missed. Thank you for everyone's prayers for his family as they learn to move on, less one family member.
__________________
Jan 6, 2007
I rarely blog, unless something big happens in my life, and even more rarely do I discuss politics. I always have thought of myself as patriotic, and at some point I saw a billboard/TV add/bumper sticker (who can remember the difference??) of some sort that said, "If you don't support the war, you don't support the troops." I found this unrealistic, and felt sheepish for the secret distaste for war I had harbored. My guilt complex is a large part of my thinking process, and I like to use it as my conscience and moral compass. I know people who have served inIraq, and wanted to support their decisions, even if I didn't agree with their motivations, so if asked, I usually state that I don't like the war, but if people believe in it, I support their decision to join the military.
I recently got some insight from the bathroom door on campus (ha ha!): "Why invade a country and kill people to teach people that killing people is wrong?" to this, someone wrote "yeah, 'Thou shalt not Kill.'" And then, there was another arrow and response: "What do you call the crusades?" Even people in the CSUC bathroom have issues about our motivations across the seas. Heck, join the rest of the world! Another bumper sticker stated "When Jesus said, 'Love your enemies.' I think it meant don't kill them." This was my favorite.
We are as feared and dominant and unopposed as the Nazis were, as we invade other countries to "maintain" our freedom… over here…. on the other side of the planet. When the Nazis were invading Europe, we jumped on our high horse to "save" the world!" Why aren't the other countries rallying to put us in our place? Not that I want all of our sons and daughters slaughtered to teach the politicians a lesson. Heavens, no. But really, what are the history books in Germany saying about their Nazis? Probably nothing different than our history books will say about our "Homeland Security."
Just something to consider. Not that I think we can actually make too much of a difference unless we all pull out of our military contracts.
Ok, Political Diatribe ended.
__________________________
Dec 3, 2006
Current mood:
Ladies and Gentelmen, I have survived a brush with death. That is right. In no simpler terms, that is what happened. Those who are close to me have heard of this tragedy first hand, while I am still shaking in my vicotin-drenched muscles, trying to snap out of shock.
Cody has forbid me to start celebrating Christmas until the first of the month, and has actually managed to enforce it with a feeble victory. So the first day of the month fell on Friday, my day off, and we headed up the hill to Butte Meadows to do some serious Christmas tree hunting. It was the first one Cody had ever cut down himself, and we packed the pickup with homemade fudge, cheetos, and holiday hearts (well... mine at least) They were sadly out of tree-cutting permits in Butte Meadows, and suggested we go to Chester or Almanor to get one. Cody wanted to be responsible, but I just wanted to steal one. Who was going to give us a ticket? Really? Well, the man won, and we set off for another 24 minute car drive.
At one point, we started noticing snow, but Cody is a safe driver, so I dozed away on the passenger side. I awoke to the holler "Babe, hold on!" as the truck was upside-down and bouncing everyone. Cody's and my first date was at the county fair (my favorite!!!) so I thought I was on "The Zipper." Ok... not really. But it felt that way. When we "landed" I was up in the air, and the truck was on it's side. My thought was, "Dear God, if Cody dies, I won't survive this." I mean, really. How can you fathom loosing your soulmate? How can you wrap your head around that?
We had hit ice, smashed into the guardrail on the opposite side of the road (hitting NO ONE!! Grace!) and the rolled once on our side, than went END OVER END, rolled twice more on our side, and landed - out of traffic, and within inches of the slope that lead into a creek. Thankfully, there were cars behind us to pull us out, and then we had the distinct pleasure of waiting an hour before CHP and the tow truck came - in the cold.
His truck is totalled, and there is no reason why the engine didn't fall through the cabin, or we didn't get ejected. Even the officer stated that he didn't understand how we were still alive, from the looks of the wreckage. Why didn't we go over the guardrail? Why didn't we hit any other cars? Why didn't we slide into the water? Simply a miracle.
So what do people think about when they realize they might die? My thoughts? "My mom is going to have to id my body; how horrible. I will never have babies." Seriously, I was looking out my window at the creek, sure that we were going to either be smashed or drown. I wasn't scared, which is what surprised me. I was with Cody, and that's how I plan on dying when I am eighty.
The first thing I did when I got home is called my mom and said, "Thank you mom for praying for your babies. It came in handy today."
So everyone. Thank your parents for their prayers.
Cody has forbid me to start celebrating Christmas until the first of the month, and has actually managed to enforce it with a feeble victory. So the first day of the month fell on Friday, my day off, and we headed up the hill to Butte Meadows to do some serious Christmas tree hunting. It was the first one Cody had ever cut down himself, and we packed the pickup with homemade fudge, cheetos, and holiday hearts (well... mine at least) They were sadly out of tree-cutting permits in Butte Meadows, and suggested we go to Chester or Almanor to get one. Cody wanted to be responsible, but I just wanted to steal one. Who was going to give us a ticket? Really? Well, the man won, and we set off for another 24 minute car drive.
At one point, we started noticing snow, but Cody is a safe driver, so I dozed away on the passenger side. I awoke to the holler "Babe, hold on!" as the truck was upside-down and bouncing everyone. Cody's and my first date was at the county fair (my favorite!!!) so I thought I was on "The Zipper." Ok... not really. But it felt that way. When we "landed" I was up in the air, and the truck was on it's side. My thought was, "Dear God, if Cody dies, I won't survive this." I mean, really. How can you fathom loosing your soulmate? How can you wrap your head around that?
We had hit ice, smashed into the guardrail on the opposite side of the road (hitting NO ONE!! Grace!) and the rolled once on our side, than went END OVER END, rolled twice more on our side, and landed - out of traffic, and within inches of the slope that lead into a creek. Thankfully, there were cars behind us to pull us out, and then we had the distinct pleasure of waiting an hour before CHP and the tow truck came - in the cold.
His truck is totalled, and there is no reason why the engine didn't fall through the cabin, or we didn't get ejected. Even the officer stated that he didn't understand how we were still alive, from the looks of the wreckage. Why didn't we go over the guardrail? Why didn't we hit any other cars? Why didn't we slide into the water? Simply a miracle.
So what do people think about when they realize they might die? My thoughts? "My mom is going to have to id my body; how horrible. I will never have babies." Seriously, I was looking out my window at the creek, sure that we were going to either be smashed or drown. I wasn't scared, which is what surprised me. I was with Cody, and that's how I plan on dying when I am eighty.
The first thing I did when I got home is called my mom and said, "Thank you mom for praying for your babies. It came in handy today."
So everyone. Thank your parents for their prayers.
_____________________
Aug 22, 2006
Current mood: exhausted
So after a year long "Educational Leave," I have returned to finish my (hopefully) last semester at Chico State. Not only did I get butterflies this morning while I threw on a backpack and hit the road on my bike, but I started to doubt my ability to remember things like syntax and phonology.
To make matters worse, I got "pulled over" by a cop while I was riding my bike to school. Yup. Apparently "Chico's Finest" is more concerned with my knowledge of proper "hand signals" than serious things like theft and drunk driving. After that little embarassment, I was late to my first class. But nonetheless, I finished the day at 8:15pm, barely making it out of there alive, dragging my swollen mind behind me.
It seems that my other classmates didn't have the same educational 'plan' as I did, and decided to continually attend class. Therefore, I am about a year behind. Not to mention that the last time I attended CSUC (Spring 05) I was coked out on Wellbutrin, Xanax, and anything mixed with vodka. Needless to say, I don't remember much of that semester either. This blog is more or less to state that Shellie Jean has hit the books again, feverishly trying to graduate this spring. With luck and love on my side, it will get accomplished. Until then, here's a little "morsel" of feminism fact passed on from our dear late-night-TV evangelical pastor, Pat Robertson:
"[Feminism] is a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." (when asked how he felt about the Equal Rights Amendment in 1992)
Gotta Love Eduation!
To make matters worse, I got "pulled over" by a cop while I was riding my bike to school. Yup. Apparently "Chico's Finest" is more concerned with my knowledge of proper "hand signals" than serious things like theft and drunk driving. After that little embarassment, I was late to my first class. But nonetheless, I finished the day at 8:15pm, barely making it out of there alive, dragging my swollen mind behind me.
It seems that my other classmates didn't have the same educational 'plan' as I did, and decided to continually attend class. Therefore, I am about a year behind. Not to mention that the last time I attended CSUC (Spring 05) I was coked out on Wellbutrin, Xanax, and anything mixed with vodka. Needless to say, I don't remember much of that semester either. This blog is more or less to state that Shellie Jean has hit the books again, feverishly trying to graduate this spring. With luck and love on my side, it will get accomplished. Until then, here's a little "morsel" of feminism fact passed on from our dear late-night-TV evangelical pastor, Pat Robertson:
"[Feminism] is a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." (when asked how he felt about the Equal Rights Amendment in 1992)
Gotta Love Eduation!
____________________
Aug 11, 2006
For all of you who have experienced a little whip-lash from my recent life changes, and who are bored enough to actually read this blog, here's the skinny on me and my decision-making skills. Or lack thereof.
Plan A: Live in Redding. Relocated after the divorce to lick my wounds and set up a tent in the name of emotional resortation
What happened: I got into a relationship that moved me back to Chico in December of 2005.
Plan B: Live in Chico, happily dating Matt.
What happened: He stopped loving me. That's about the sum of it all.
Plan C: Move with Amy (my handicapped confidant) to AZ and attend ASU while she finished law school. I would be living with her as her in-home care aide.
What Happened: Amy decided to go to Baylor instead. This school is located in TX.
Plan D: Move to Waco, Texas with Amy.
What Happened: This one almost went through. Despite my boyfriend's strong, silent desire to keep me here, he supported and encouraged me to leave and "find myself" in TX. My parents even did an ok job - but mom kept questioning my sanity. I tried to convince myself that it was a good move for me. In the end, the heart conquered the reasoning and here I am. A mere week-and-a-half before I was scheduled to leave, I realized that TX held no future for me, so why fork out the money for the U-Haul, huh? Luckily for me, Amy had the same mind-set and understood why I couldn't go.
Despite what it looks like, I am capable of making a decision. I make lots of them. Huge, spontaneous ones. But, as life would have it nothing that I plan on seems to go accordingly, so I am left to rearrange everything.
It's not so bad really. It has given me the opportunity to sift through the negative influences in my life, and really cling to those that uplift and empower me. I have no doubt that I will someday, get out of this general area. But until life/God feels that this is right, nothing else will fall into place.
I just wanted to fill in everyone who has been so curious as to why I am not sweating up a storm in TX by now. Bear with me, you all. It's just as confusing to keep track of for me!!
_________________________
Self-Reliant Denial
Plan A: Live in Redding. Relocated after the divorce to lick my wounds and set up a tent in the name of emotional resortation
What happened: I got into a relationship that moved me back to Chico in December of 2005.
Plan B: Live in Chico, happily dating Matt.
What happened: He stopped loving me. That's about the sum of it all.
Plan C: Move with Amy (my handicapped confidant) to AZ and attend ASU while she finished law school. I would be living with her as her in-home care aide.
What Happened: Amy decided to go to Baylor instead. This school is located in TX.
Plan D: Move to Waco, Texas with Amy.
What Happened: This one almost went through. Despite my boyfriend's strong, silent desire to keep me here, he supported and encouraged me to leave and "find myself" in TX. My parents even did an ok job - but mom kept questioning my sanity. I tried to convince myself that it was a good move for me. In the end, the heart conquered the reasoning and here I am. A mere week-and-a-half before I was scheduled to leave, I realized that TX held no future for me, so why fork out the money for the U-Haul, huh? Luckily for me, Amy had the same mind-set and understood why I couldn't go.
Despite what it looks like, I am capable of making a decision. I make lots of them. Huge, spontaneous ones. But, as life would have it nothing that I plan on seems to go accordingly, so I am left to rearrange everything.
It's not so bad really. It has given me the opportunity to sift through the negative influences in my life, and really cling to those that uplift and empower me. I have no doubt that I will someday, get out of this general area. But until life/God feels that this is right, nothing else will fall into place.
I just wanted to fill in everyone who has been so curious as to why I am not sweating up a storm in TX by now. Bear with me, you all. It's just as confusing to keep track of for me!!
_________________________
Self-Reliant Denial
· I was informed today that 98 percent of all humans are born into a co-dependent relationship of some sort, and therefore don't know any other way to have a relationship - though many discourage this particular type of one and are in denial of their own. This could mean co-dependency on a lover, a family member (or family unit), a job title, or even a substance. In other words, "co-dependent" is an unsuccessful euphamism for "addiction."
Since my recent single-status errupted in my face and out of nowhere, I have had to take look on my last relationship and dissect it until I can't see straight. We all do it. "What did I do wrong?" "How did I know he/she wasn't as happy as they seemed?" Blah, Blah. Blah. I drug myself out of bed - day 10 on my "Ten-Day process for Surviving Loss" (I am TOTALLY going to patent that!) - and made myself go to church. Yes, you skeptics. CHURCH. Some of you probably don't even include The Spirtual Enrichment Center (aka Church of Religious Science) in your list of acceptable means to explore God. Nevertheless, I sat in church, alone, and listened as the practitioner (not paster! She's no better than us 'flock' in the audience) talked about codependency and self-reliance.
Which brings me to the point of this blog. Yes, there is one. I received a list of the TEN COMMANDMENTS of a SELF-RELIANT PERSON. So, you are being enlightened. If this bores you, skip to the end.
1. Love of life - no complaining, grumbling or whining. They like rain and sun, embraces grief, traffic jams, parties or being alone. If situations need to be changed - they find a way to do it.
2. They are free of guilt - admits mistakes but doesn't lament/regret the experience
3. Non-worriers - present moment oriented. not threatened by the unknown; seeks new experiences; takes responsibility without blaming others
4. Independent - treasures their own freedom
5. Their love involves no imposition of values on the loved one. Likes to be alone which ensures privacy.
6. Refuses to be dependent, or depended upon; are in mature relationships; with children, they provide a model of a caring person, but encourage self-reliance almost from the beginning with a great deal of love
7. Able to function without the approval and applause from others. If you want to kow what they think, they will tell you.
8. They are free to make their own choices even if it conflicts with everyone else
9. They know how to laugh and how to create laughter - LAUGH WITH PEOPLE AND AT LIFE
10. They accept themselves and have a high energy level.
For those of you who skipped this last portion, this is where you return to reading....
Most of the items on that list are rarely embraced, but most of us advertise that we possess some or all of these qualities. We believe that if we practice some of these qualities, some of the time, we can round up to 100 percent perfection. Another viewpoint is that certain characteristics on this list could be seen as selfish or cold or even pompous. But, then again, who knows anyone who is actually self-reliant to the extent that they "refuse to be depended on"? I mean, c'mon. Don't they have parents? Or friends? So, it's safe to say that these"commandments" or attributes should be taken for their value, not their word-for-word content.
I hope this shakes all of you into believing that those judging your relationsips - romantic or otherwise - are full of CRAP, and those of you who are in the habit of throwing stones, thinking that you belong in the self-reliant category, should be ashamed of yourselves. We all just do what we can with those we love.
This isn't to say that this "list" isn't to be reached and worked for. It just means that we need to honest about where we are, and what makes us happy. In the future, I hope we can all be able to stand alone and have it just be enough. Then, we are whole people. But untl then...... let the denial continue, if that's what gets you through the day.
Since my recent single-status errupted in my face and out of nowhere, I have had to take look on my last relationship and dissect it until I can't see straight. We all do it. "What did I do wrong?" "How did I know he/she wasn't as happy as they seemed?" Blah, Blah. Blah. I drug myself out of bed - day 10 on my "Ten-Day process for Surviving Loss" (I am TOTALLY going to patent that!) - and made myself go to church. Yes, you skeptics. CHURCH. Some of you probably don't even include The Spirtual Enrichment Center (aka Church of Religious Science) in your list of acceptable means to explore God. Nevertheless, I sat in church, alone, and listened as the practitioner (not paster! She's no better than us 'flock' in the audience) talked about codependency and self-reliance.
Which brings me to the point of this blog. Yes, there is one. I received a list of the TEN COMMANDMENTS of a SELF-RELIANT PERSON. So, you are being enlightened. If this bores you, skip to the end.
1. Love of life - no complaining, grumbling or whining. They like rain and sun, embraces grief, traffic jams, parties or being alone. If situations need to be changed - they find a way to do it.
2. They are free of guilt - admits mistakes but doesn't lament/regret the experience
3. Non-worriers - present moment oriented. not threatened by the unknown; seeks new experiences; takes responsibility without blaming others
4. Independent - treasures their own freedom
5. Their love involves no imposition of values on the loved one. Likes to be alone which ensures privacy.
6. Refuses to be dependent, or depended upon; are in mature relationships; with children, they provide a model of a caring person, but encourage self-reliance almost from the beginning with a great deal of love
7. Able to function without the approval and applause from others. If you want to kow what they think, they will tell you.
8. They are free to make their own choices even if it conflicts with everyone else
9. They know how to laugh and how to create laughter - LAUGH WITH PEOPLE AND AT LIFE
10. They accept themselves and have a high energy level.
For those of you who skipped this last portion, this is where you return to reading....
Most of the items on that list are rarely embraced, but most of us advertise that we possess some or all of these qualities. We believe that if we practice some of these qualities, some of the time, we can round up to 100 percent perfection. Another viewpoint is that certain characteristics on this list could be seen as selfish or cold or even pompous. But, then again, who knows anyone who is actually self-reliant to the extent that they "refuse to be depended on"? I mean, c'mon. Don't they have parents? Or friends? So, it's safe to say that these"commandments" or attributes should be taken for their value, not their word-for-word content.
I hope this shakes all of you into believing that those judging your relationsips - romantic or otherwise - are full of CRAP, and those of you who are in the habit of throwing stones, thinking that you belong in the self-reliant category, should be ashamed of yourselves. We all just do what we can with those we love.
This isn't to say that this "list" isn't to be reached and worked for. It just means that we need to honest about where we are, and what makes us happy. In the future, I hope we can all be able to stand alone and have it just be enough. Then, we are whole people. But untl then...... let the denial continue, if that's what gets you through the day.
______________________
Jan 24, 2006
Current mood: chipper
Life throws you unbelievable curve balls. There is a certain standard to live by to ensure a quality of life when you get older. You date the girl/boy next door, you attend church, you are respectful of your parents, (though you may silently rebel and disagree with them in your hearts) you put stake in others' feelings and opinions about your life. All of this to get you to... where? Get you to that great job, dating the great guy/girl, and have those sitcom-mannered kids playing outside. If you play your cards right, there might actually be a picketed fence and Golden Retriever in the picture. You can't help but feel disappointed when this doesn't always work out as planned, when God (or whatever higher power you may believe in) reaches down with his hand and says, "I don't think so. Not today. Not your way." Anger, disappointment, frustration and confusion are all normal emotions to feel in these kinds of situations. Some people may see it as wrong, but they are all basic human emotions. So, scream. Reach out and yell. Or do what I do.... blog. Then scream. Then move on. Anyway you can.
But in my case, the subject for this particular blog isn't going to be in pursuit of some deeper meaning in my life to explain a tragic turn of events. Rather, I find myself in the complete euphoria. I am in an incredible relationship with an unlikely match for my soul mate. He pushes and pulls me to fight the urge to be what is in my blood, but not what I want for myself. I feel a renewed sense of self, as if I am finally seeing the clouds part after a long tempest. On the flip side, because I have been "under the weather" so much, I am skeptic. I find myself waking up everyday wondering if it will all change today. If the other shoe is going to drop, or it all really is too good to be true. I am here to tell you that that kind of thinking gets you nowhere. Because, all of the abnormal, awkward stages on my life in the past few years have lead me here, to this state of peace, this state of grace, this state of bliss. So now we can get to the root of the blog's subject:
Your life's purpose.
There are many different kinds of people in this world, but I think there are two major groups with whom I feel confident in categorizing. First, there are the kind of people that wake up everyday, put in the Dr. Phil or Oprah tape/CD in their car on their way to work, or the gym, or yoga, to figure out how to improve their job, their sex life, their complexion, their overall sense of confidence. They concentrate on walking and talking a certain way to seem more educated. They strive harder and harder to push themselves towards perfection, to seem more perfect to everyone. At the end of their day, they are exhausted, but they feel just a little bit closer to being the person they want to be known as. We all know our toughest critics are ourselves, and the person who coined that phrase - I can guarantee you - has a Dr. Phil CD in his/her car. RIGHT NOW.
The other kind of person wakes up everyday with their first thought, as they climb in the shower or eat granola, is "how am I going to greet the day?" They walk into their job/school/mobile- home-park wondering whose life they could be a part of in a unique way. Their focus is on the betterment of others, which means that they are usually not as polished as Mr. Motivational in the earlier example. They can let themselves become damaged and hurt because there is no shield, so selfishness to ward off the disappointing behavior of others. But they rest their heads easier at the end of the day, if they have escaped such hurt, knowing that they have helped make someone else's life a little easier, even at the expense of their own leisure.
There is no one that can say which person is the most righteous or the most "correct" because everything is relative. What is correct and right to me, is wrong to my next door neighbor. What is awkward for me, is comfortable for my Lit. teacher. It's all about personal awareness. So as long as you can confess and acknowledge which kind of person you are, and know in your heart that that method is best for you - even if no one else agrees - then your work is done.
Now that you are doubting yourself, or reassured in yourself, go eat ice cream and watch Oprah. She's on at 4. We can dissect her motivations for once. Have a great day.
But in my case, the subject for this particular blog isn't going to be in pursuit of some deeper meaning in my life to explain a tragic turn of events. Rather, I find myself in the complete euphoria. I am in an incredible relationship with an unlikely match for my soul mate. He pushes and pulls me to fight the urge to be what is in my blood, but not what I want for myself. I feel a renewed sense of self, as if I am finally seeing the clouds part after a long tempest. On the flip side, because I have been "under the weather" so much, I am skeptic. I find myself waking up everyday wondering if it will all change today. If the other shoe is going to drop, or it all really is too good to be true. I am here to tell you that that kind of thinking gets you nowhere. Because, all of the abnormal, awkward stages on my life in the past few years have lead me here, to this state of peace, this state of grace, this state of bliss. So now we can get to the root of the blog's subject:
Your life's purpose.
There are many different kinds of people in this world, but I think there are two major groups with whom I feel confident in categorizing. First, there are the kind of people that wake up everyday, put in the Dr. Phil or Oprah tape/CD in their car on their way to work, or the gym, or yoga, to figure out how to improve their job, their sex life, their complexion, their overall sense of confidence. They concentrate on walking and talking a certain way to seem more educated. They strive harder and harder to push themselves towards perfection, to seem more perfect to everyone. At the end of their day, they are exhausted, but they feel just a little bit closer to being the person they want to be known as. We all know our toughest critics are ourselves, and the person who coined that phrase - I can guarantee you - has a Dr. Phil CD in his/her car. RIGHT NOW.
The other kind of person wakes up everyday with their first thought, as they climb in the shower or eat granola, is "how am I going to greet the day?" They walk into their job/school/mobile- home-park wondering whose life they could be a part of in a unique way. Their focus is on the betterment of others, which means that they are usually not as polished as Mr. Motivational in the earlier example. They can let themselves become damaged and hurt because there is no shield, so selfishness to ward off the disappointing behavior of others. But they rest their heads easier at the end of the day, if they have escaped such hurt, knowing that they have helped make someone else's life a little easier, even at the expense of their own leisure.
There is no one that can say which person is the most righteous or the most "correct" because everything is relative. What is correct and right to me, is wrong to my next door neighbor. What is awkward for me, is comfortable for my Lit. teacher. It's all about personal awareness. So as long as you can confess and acknowledge which kind of person you are, and know in your heart that that method is best for you - even if no one else agrees - then your work is done.
Now that you are doubting yourself, or reassured in yourself, go eat ice cream and watch Oprah. She's on at 4. We can dissect her motivations for once. Have a great day.
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